Series

Let The Music Play – The Katy Trail – Rhineland to Marthasville

Bicycle Trip People
On my recent bicycle journey from Kansas to Annapolis, I met quite a few really interesting folks. I’m doing a series of posts on these wonderful and interesting people, and this is an installment in that series. While there are others I met along the way as well, these are the ones who I was able to spend enough time with to get a feel for their story.

Let The Music Play
The September sunrise over Rhineland is stunning, and the breakfast Amanda lays out in front of us at The Doll House B&B is outstanding. We’re only riding about 25 or 30 miles today, so we’re in no hurry to start.

The Katy Trail – Rhineland to Marthasville spends a good bit of time right along the river, crossing lots of bridges, winding under bluffs much of the time. Then, for the last few miles before reaching Marthasville, it pulls back away from the river a bit, running along at the edge of the forest, where the hills come down to kiss the farmland of the floodplain.

We’re staying at the Concord House B&B, on the western edge of Marthasville. Maggie and George run a really neat B&B, with some fun twists that we don’t figure out until we’ve hung out for a while. There’s a nice hot tub out on their back porch, which everyone enjoys a bit of. I’ve never been able to take too much of a hot tub – I think they just heat me up too much. But I enjoy a few minutes of it before getting out, drying off, and enjoying a beautiful evening on a great back porch that wraps around the house like only southern architecture knows how to do well.

As the sun goes down, I discover a very cool little wine cellar hidden away below the house. Nobody mentions it or talks about it – it seems to be something left for you to discover if you want to. Read more »

The Katy Trail – Hartsburg to Rhineland

Bicycle Trip People
On my recent bicycle journey from Kansas to Annapolis, I met quite a few really interesting folks. I’m doing a series of posts on these wonderful and interesting people, and this is an installment in that series. While there are others I met along the way as well, these are the ones who I was able to spend enough time with to get a feel for their story.

Game Day
I think I passed the “high point” of the Katy Trail yesterday sometime, but who would know, since the whole thing is so flat! This section from Hartsburg to Marthasville is right in the middle of the trail, not really close to any large cities. This would be the section of the trail I’d expect to be used the least, and feel the most remote.

But this doesn’t pan out to be the case. Read more »

Cat Lady Of Hartsburg

Bicycle Trip People
On my recent bicycle journey from Kansas to Annapolis, I met quite a few really interesting folks. I’m doing a series of posts on these wonderful and interesting people, and this is an installment in that series. While there are others I met along the way as well, these are the ones who I was able to spend enough time with to get a feel for their story.

 

The Cat Lady of Hartsburg, MO
The pre-dawn air drips with moisture as I roll onto US50 headed east out of Warrensburg. It’s a warm wetness, not really rain, but a light mist that keeps the pavement damp.

I’d expected a reasonable road, good shoulder, and reasonably light traffic. I built this expectation by talking to a local cyclist in Sedalia.

Wrong. Read more »

Plain Dumb Courage

Bicycle Trip People
On my recent bicycle journey from Kansas to Annapolis, I met quite a few really interesting folks. I’m doing a series of posts on these wonderful and interesting people, and this is an installment in that series. While there are others I met along the way as well, these are the ones who I was able to spend enough time with to get a feel for their story.

Mike and Wei in Warrensburg
Day 2 of my cycling adventure from Kansas to Annapolis has me up before dawn, headed east on Highway 68. A headwind develops early, and builds through the day. Not a straight headwind, but a SE wind that quarters into my face.

When I stop for something to eat in Louisburg, I’m more than a little disappointed with the measly 30+ miles that I’ve ridden so far this morning. At a little over 50 miles, after some wonderful riding on some secondary roads that are deserted, I’m greeted with a neat “old town” feel in the town of Harrisonville, MO. I stop in a little c-store, and enjoy a visit with a guy and a gal who work there. I check my bearings with them regarding the best way to get to Warrensburg from here, and they seem baffled by the idea that there’s any way to get there other than going up to highway 50 and across. They’re not used to someone who’s looking for a way to avoid traffic. Read more »

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Rick In Kansas

Bicycle Trip People

On my recent bicycle journey from Kansas to Annapolis, I met quite a few really interesting folks. I’m doing a series of posts on these wonderful and interesting people, and this is an installment in that series. While there are others I met along the way as well, these are the ones who I was able to spend enough time with to get a feel for their story.

 

Rick in Kansas

My first day out on this leg of the trip started in Council Grove, Kansas, and ended up in Ottawa, Kansas. There isn’t a lot in-between. It’s a pretty lonely stretch of road – perfect for cycling really. On that first day, I had a cross wind, though it wasn’t terribly strong. I had trained well for this ride, and was feeling strong, so I pushed myself hard on that first day.

It was only about a 70 mile day, and while it was hot, it wasn’t over 100. I figured I was pretty safe pushing hard, and not at much risk regarding water. Read more »

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Harnessing Retirement – Part 3

Learning the Lessons

I’m trying hard to learn the lesson friends have taught me as I move through my careers in life. I know I need to avoid the traps of self-importance and of identifying my “self” with my job, as these things make a healthy and happy retirement way more difficult.

It seems such an obvious lesson. It seems these should be easy traps to avoid. Yet, I find so many people around me in life who seem eager to throw themselves gleefully into these traps.

I interviewed for a job promotion not long ago. The first interview went well – with a group of peers and internal customers. Good questions, good dialogue. Then came the panel interview with a combination of peers and superiors. There were so many questions about surrendering my “self” to the job that I began to be troubled. How willing was I to work very long hours? How willing was I to give up weekends for the job? Examples of how each of them sacrificed their personal time for the job. I went home and thought about it over the weekend, then told the company I wasn’t interested in the promotion.

It wasn’t that I objected to long hours or hard work. What I objected to was that my willingness to sacrifice self for job was such an important criteria. It was obvious that folks were measured and measured themselves by how much they gave up for the job, not by the quality or quantity of work/good they accomplished. These people were molding their identity into their career, and they were programmed to look for others who wanted to do the same thing.

Of course, if they seemed to truly enjoy their job, then I might have a bit of understanding. But they seemed miserable, and seemed hell-bent on finding others who wanted to wallow in the misery of long hours and frustrating work with them.

No thanks. Been there, done that, moved way beyond it!

Work hard.

Work well.

Work smart.

Work healthy.

And make sure it’s you doing the job, not the job doing you…

Harnessing Retirement – Part 2

The Lessons

I’ve watched friends retire well and friends retire poorly. Those who retire well seem to thrive in the new garden of retirement, while those who retire poorly seem lost in the weeds, strangled by the lack of identity and relevance.

The lesson I’ve learned is that there appear to be (at least) two traps to avoid in a career (and maybe life in general). The first trap is the trap of self-importance. We all want to matter, but perceived importance has nothing to do with truly “mattering” – all it does is feed the ego. No matter what my job is, someone else could do it better than I do, and it would be no big deal if I stopped doing it. In fact, I should be looking for folks who can do my job better than me, and either learning from them, or getting them into my job.

Professional athletes may be the worst with regard to this first lesson. They often hang on way past the point when they should, because they can’t live with who they are when nobody seems to be worshipping them. They’ve lost their self-importance, and they don’t like the tiny little person they see when that self-importance fades.

The second trap to avoid is one of identity. I need to do the best job of using my life to discover myself as completely as I can. I need to explore my passions, and find the ones that truly feed me, energize me, and help me to become the most valuable and fulfilled me I can be. If I waste my life hiding behind a career, then the little tiny thing I’ll find when they take the career away won’t know how to bloom and grow.

Next, how well do we do at avoiding the traps?…

Harnessing Retirement – Part 1

Doing It Well

We think we can’t wait to retire. How sweet it would be to stop the rat race, and enjoy life a bit.

Why is it, then, that so few people seem to be able to retire well? I work with someone who’s reached full retirement age, plus has a sweet, fat pension waiting for her. She’s really not very effective at her job anymore, and you can see in her eyes that technology and business culture has passed her by. Yet, she can’t bring herself to retire. In her case, she perceives herself as important in her work environment, and I suspect she fears the loss of that perception of importance she has of herself.

My dad died within a couple years of retiring, which was a common malady among men of his generation. They’d built their entire life and identity around who they were at work, and became lost when they let go of that identity. In their case, it’s not so much importance as identity I think they lose when they retire.

Either way, it’s bad. Whether you’re losing your perceived self-importance or losing your identity, retirement is something that causes problems.

Of course, there are exceptions. I have a dear friend that I hunt with and cycle with occasionally. He retired as soon as he could, and retired as well as anyone I know. He spends most of his year pursuing his passions of fishing and hunting, and still finds time for bicycle rides with me now and then. He worked hard and did a good job when he was employed, but his employment wasn’t his identity. He spent his life building his identity in his passions outside of work, so when he was able to move past work, he could fall completely into his passions.

I have another friend who was an absolute fiend when he was working. He was a hard-charging, fast-paced workaholic. I figured he’d never be able to give up working. I was wrong. He reached a point in life where he was able to “sell off” in a way that set him up financially for life, and proceeded to build an entirely new identity for himself. He threw himself into his new passions of philanthropy and being the “elder” to folks he knew, and he did it well. He became a changed man, and appeared to be a happy man.

This second man was a boss for many years. One of the most important lessons he taught me was the importance for me to work myself out of a job – to find someone who could do my job better than me so I could move along to the next job. He lived this in his life, and was able to leave his career with a smile on his face.

Some do it well, some suck at it. Next, I’ll explore the lessons of the traps to avoid in a career – the traps that make retirement dangerous…

Confident Ambiguity

Yet another in a series of posts on the notion of ambiguity. Last time I talked about the fact that navigating ambiguity is really a matter of maturity of our ability to think critically and solve problems.

As much as anything else, I suppose it’s a confidence thing. When we’re confident in our ability to think critically and gain understanding, we welcome opportunities to use those skills.

On the other hand, when we lack that confidence, we only want to face easy problems. For anything that requires real thinking and independent reasoning, we prefer to have someone tell us what it is we’re supposed to think.

I see it nearly every day in people I talk to. Have any discussion of politics, and you’ll immediately hear people spouting the “party line” and the propaganda from whatever brand of faux news they listen to. Challenge them a little – ask some hard questions – and most folks start to splutter and spit. They don’t feel confident in their ability to arrive at an independent opinion – they need their opinion shaped for them.

We all complain about how polarized our country has become over the past 30 years, with everyone becoming more extreme. In my opinion, that’s 100% a result of the kind of “news” programming people watch on TV or listen to on the radio. They plug themselves into a propaganda machine, and drink the Koolaid. I believe that if we all shut the media off and refused to allow ourselves to be the sheep they want, we’d find that we’re not nearly as polarized as we’re led to believe.

Give it a test drive. For 90 days, refuse to consume any “news” or opinion programming on radio or TV. Refuse to read the OpEd page. Just talk to people, and discuss what’s going on. Talk to people with new and different opinions than your own. After 90 days, I give you a money-back guarantee that you’ll find you are far less in lockstep with whatever brand of propaganda you consumed before.

Disclaimer: All opinions are those of the author. :-)

Navigating Ambiguity

Ambiguity.

Every day we’re faced with it. Some of us deal with it well, some not so much.

A friend and I discussed this not long ago, after I started a series of postings on the subject. We both agreed that for most folks, we get better at dealing with ambiguity as we move through life.

Each step along most chosen paths in life presents problems – problems we learn to navigate through improving critical thinking skills. The better our critical thinking skills become, the better we are at moving through problem-solving mazes.

And at the end of the day, ambiguity is generally just one of those problem-solving mazes to navigate.  When things seem gray or fuzzy, it’s generally not for a lack of information – quite the opposite. The more information we have, the more ambiguous a situation can often become. With strong analytical and critical thinking skills, we’re better able to navigate those mazes, and make peace and reason out of ambiguity.

It’s interesting to me to notice all the things about “aging” that are actually an advantage. I wrote recently about the art of aging finely, and I’m often surprised to find just how many things in life we get better at as we move along the timeline. Maybe all of us don’t get better, but we certainly have the opportunity to get better. Some just seize the opportunity better than others do.

Seize this one – look for those little moments of ambiguity that surround you, and explore them honestly.

The Depravity of Perfectionism

The Perfectionism Demon – Part 3

Image from National Geographic

I’ve been writing about the perfectionism demon this week, and how counterproductive he (or she) is for most of us. I imagine many folks who imbibe in the creative process are haunted by this demon, and I suspect they only succeed when they find ways to trick, evade, or outrun the nasty fellow. Destroying him would be true joy, but I’m just not sure that’s possible once he’s dug his claws deeply into the way we live our life.

The demon plagues some folks with the inability to even start a project, for fear they won’t do well enough. I have a writing colleague like that, who struggles to move ideas from his mind to the keyboard for fear they won’t be good enough.

In my case, I’ve got enough dominance over the demon to start the creative process, but deeming a finished product “worthy” to be released to the world is a chain I’ve yet to wrap consistently around the beast. I can sit down to the keyboard and write, but I rarely think I’ve written something that’s “good enough”. Read more »

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Perfectionism and Creativity

The Perfectionism Demon. Part 2

I talked in my last post about how the the demon of perfectionism can cripple everyday things like planning. The demon is far more vicious and unforgiving when it comes to the creative process.

I like to write. It’s a creative process for me. When I write, I’m releasing something from within myself for the rest of the world to read. Is it good enough? Does it really say what I want to say? Will I sound foolish? Read more »

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The Perfectionist Demon – Finding Good Enough

It’s approaching burning season in the Flint Hills of Kansas and elsewhere on the Great Plains, a time when gigantic prairie fires consume thousands of square miles. The fires are set intentionally, when conditions are perfect to allow controlled burning, usually at night.

Image compliments of Larry Schwarm

It’s a beautiful sight, if you can find a safe promontory from which to watch. Large swaths of flames washing across the plains, consuming everything in their path. Destructive, yet essential for the future of that sea of grass to survive and thrive.

There’s a lot in life that can be like the prairie fire. Things that consume wantonly, or cause great pain, but if controlled, can be a crucible from which new life springs. Read more »

A Candle in the Wind – Part 3

At it’s heart, the words and the imagery are so true. We often feel so important and permanent – as though much of the universe revolves around our giant ego. But really, each of us is no more than a flame burning atop to candle of our life.

This isn’t a bad thing. Well, I suppose it’s bad for our ego. But ignoring the ego for a minute, (and we know how that ego hates to be ignored…), it’s really a good way for me to see my life. Just a flame atop a candle.  Read more »

A Candle in the Wind – Part 2

Part 2 – Fragility

It’s mid-November, a time when I disappear into the woods for a while each year. First for several days on the western slope of the Rockies hunting elk with my son, then into the Kansas prairie for a couple weeks of hunting whitetail deer where the prairie and the timber meet.

Read more »

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A Candle In The Wind – Part 1

Part 1 – Risking

I was reading a book the other day, when this phrase struck me: “Life is like a candle in the wind”. Of course, it’s hard to say those words in my mind without hearing Elton John’s voice in the background. Nevertheless, the words stuck with me for several days, and have had the little brain cells scurrying around quite a bit.

Image from eraspark.com

Every step of every day, we’re surrounded by creation and destruction, birthing and dying. As I type these words, the last of the leaves have fallen from most of the trees here in Colorado – some of them wrenched off in the snowstorm we had last week. The air is full of that wonderful smell that autumn surrounds us with, as the high plains tuck themselves in for the winter.

A couple weeks ago, the birds were tearing through the seed in my feeders at a voracious rate, as those migrating south use my place as a fueling station. Some of those birds will make it, some won’t. Just yesterday there was a Goldfinch on the ground below the feeders. He seemed too exhausted to fly. When I went to him to try and lift him to the feeder so he could rest there and eat, he scurried beneath some Hyssop. I want to believe he’ll make it, but he might not.

Several weeks ago, when my brother and I were driving some back roads in Kansas, we came across a group of trees draped in butterflies – there must have been tens of thousands of them. I imagine they gather on the trees and rest until the right wind comes up, then they probably get up into the wind and let it blow them south. On the ground was the evidence that not all the butterflied would make it – the same wind that took their comrades south to safety would take the flame of life from a few.

We’re surrounded by flames of life. Each of us is just one of those flames. We like to think of ourselves as particularly special – flames that are more important that the millions of other flames around us.

But to be special, don’t we need to let the flame of our life burn openly and brightly, where it adds encouragement to those around us? And in doing so, we expose it to the wind that could blow it out in an instant. It’s the paradox of the Flame of Life – it’s meant to burn openly and brightly, which means it’s always at risk.

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Helping 106 – The First Step

Overcoming The Fear Of The First Step
By Robert Shelden

We’ve published a series of posts about “Helping” in the past, and Robert’s discussion of CYAR (Colorado Youth At Risk) is a great addition to that series. Welcome to the forum Robert, and thanks for the contribution!

A number of years ago, I was exposed to a non-profit, youth mentoring organization called CYAR (Colorado Youth at Risk).  CYAR focuses on transforming the lives of teenage students through community -based mentoring and intensive training.   Like many people, I had a desire to “give back” to my community in some meaningful way and CYAR appeared to match my social values. Read more »

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Seeing The Good – Helping 105

As we go through the process of searching for ways to cut money from our national budget, we should be doing some soul-searching as well.

You can watch the political parties lining up with their masters and pets, trying to focus the effort on the places where they want the budget cut. To do this, they need to demonize and dehumanize the people who they want to cut funding from.

One side wants to cut funding and “pork” that goes primarily to the wealthy class in our country. They look to move the taxpayer dollars toward those on the lower end of the income scale, and away from those on the upper end. In addition, they target defense spending as the best place to reduce cost.

The defense industry argument is an easy one to make – I’ve written before about the amazing money we could save if we cut our defense spending to twice as much as the next biggest defense spender in the world – $600 – $700 billion a year. It’s staggering.

But there’s a human side to that. Defense contractors are the biggest “welfare recipients” in the nation, and when they get that taxpayer money, they pass some of it on to their employees in the form of jobs – often really good jobs. These people who have these jobs aren’t demons and crazies. They are (for the most part) good people – often hard-working people – trying to get by and do a good job.

As we cut the defense industry’s “welfare” ticket back, many of those good and hard-working folks will be out of a job.

The other side wants to cut funding for any programs that move money toward the middle or lower classes in the country, while retaining programs that continue to benefit the upper class. They typically demonize the waste in government programs like Medicare and Social Security – these are the places they want to make the big cuts.

But there’s a human side to these cuts as well – much easier to see. While there is surely waste and fraud in any bureaucracy – be it Medicare or Defense contracting – there is also a great need among the poorest “class” in our country. As we cut these programs back, those with the greatest need will feel the greatest pain.

These people aren’t demons and crazies. They are (for the most part) good people – often hard-working people – trying to get by and do a good job.

The budget has both a revenue and a spending side. Both sides need to be addressed. On the spending side alone, as we pound the table with our strong opinions about who we should be cutting government funding for, let’s do our best to understand clearly what those cuts mean, who will be hurt by the cuts, and what that pain will look like.

Even when we hold strong opinions about who should receive the biggest cuts, let’s try and see the real people who will feel the pain of the cuts. Let’s see the good within those people, rather than demonizing them.

The same logic holds true for cuts to overseas programs that the government funds, or cuts to outreach programs in churches, temples, and mosques. It’s even more stark in those cases, as the recipients of the help often look much different than we do, and live much differently than we do. It’s much easier to not see and understand those more distant people, and much easier to see only the bad things about those people.

We’ve all got good and bad within us, right? We’ve all got things we’re proud of, and things we’re ashamed of. When we look at someone else, we need to recognize the same holds true for them. We choose whether we’re seeing the good or the bad in that person.

Until we see the good in a person, we’ll not be able to provide real and meaningful help, or find real and meaningful solutions. We’ll not be able to open the Giving Circle.

The Poorest Person In The World – Helping 104

Mahatma Gandhi believed every single act was important. He suggested once to “think of the poorest person you have ever seen and ask if your next act will be of any use to him.”

In a world where we’re generally evaluating each act on its ability to help us gain more power, wealth, or comfort, this is an interesting twist of perspective.

Or am I wrong about that? Maybe we don’t evaluate our every act to determine how it might help us gain more power, wealth, or comfort. Maybe the majority of our actions “just sorta’ happen” – without much thought.

Of course, a psychologist would probably argue with me that our unconscious mind is, in fact, doing some level of evaluation before we act – that beneath the most (apparently) mindless act is some level of measurement and decision. The scales used in that measurement and decision-making are often hard to fathom, having been built up over our lifetime to serve some hidden set of scale-masters.

Makes sense. After all, we’d be crippled by analysis if every single little thing we did needed to be analyzed before we could act.

But what if…

we were just a little more thoughtful in our process? What if more of our actions did involve a conscious effort to predict who will benefit from that action? And just as important, who will be hurt by our action.

 

Rubbing Shoulders With Need – Helping 103

Here’s a quote I read recently from Chabad.com: “The very fact you know about someone who is in trouble means that in some way you are able to help. Otherwise, why would this knowledge have entered your world?”

Why, indeed?

After all, the world is packed full of disaster and hardship. Every minute of every day, really bad things are happening someplace in the world, and there’s something you could do to help in many of those cases.

It could be completely overwhelming. You could become paralyzed by the sheer magnitude of the help that others need in this world.

For that matter, there are places in your own life where you can use help, right? There are folks in the world who have the ability to provide some of that help to you, though you are one of countless places where their help could be of value.

My Lord, how’s a person to know what to do, where to give help, how to give help, where to ask for help?

Every day, your journey takes you down the path of life. That path moves you through some tight quarters, where your life brushes up against the lives of others. You rub a shoulder here, you bump an elbow there.

And in the process, you glimpse the ability to help now and again. A gift offered to you – the opportunity to give and to help.

Otherwise, why would you have brushed up against the understanding of the need?

 

Zero Sum – Giving 102

When something is finite, transactions are always zero sum. That is, there’s only so much of the thing, so for someone to see a gain, someone else sees a loss. Nothing grows, it only changes hands.

It’s an economic theory, or game theory. Like cutting a cake – if somebody gets a bigger slice, somebody else gets a smaller slice. It’s a perspective that sees life as a ledger sheet, and in order for my ledger column to grow, someone else’s must shrink.

Living life with a “zero sum” outlook is why we have wars. It’s why most violent crime occurs. If there’s a devil, he works hard to help us see all of life as a zero-sum enterprise.

“Taking” results from the zero sum outlook.

Is Creation a zero-sum game in the eyes of G-d? Put aside your view of G-d for a moment – or whether or not G-d even exists – and think of the universe as it might appear through the eyes of something big enough to see it all.

The universe (or multiverse or Creation or whatever it is you choose to call the Big Picture) came into being. Most cultures and religions have fascinating Creation Myths. Scientists today see the universe as having exploded into existence with a Big Bang about 13 million years ago.

Either way, something came about that wasn’t taken from something else, right? I don’t know any science or Creation Myth that talks about our universe or world being created by taking a world from someone else.

It was Created, or it rose into existence in some way.

Giving is like that too. We’re prisoners inside the walls of our existence, and the key that releases us from that prison is the gift we receive when we give.

It’s not zero-sum. In giving, what we receive is far greater than what we give.

If there’s a G-d, He works hard to help us see all of life as a giving enterprise.

 

The Shape Of Help – 101

I suspect most folks have the same kind of angst that I’ve had lately about the disaster in Japan. We see folks in great need, and there’s something deep inside us that wants to reach out and help in some way.

There are lots of relief agencies who will supply resources as they can, and we can surely contribute resources to these sorts of agencies. Generally when this sort of disaster happens, resources pour into relief agencies, but there’s always the logistical bottleneck at the point of disaster – trying to find a way to get the resources to the point where they can really help.

For those of us who give the resources, we have some feeling that we’ve done something to help, albeit a distant hand offered through many brokers in-between. Detached.

I knew someone once who would get wild hairs to “help someone”. Once, at the end of a dinner among several people, she insisted we box up the many leftovers and give them to homeless folks someplace. We were in a town none of us knew, but we boxed up leftovers and ended up somewhere we probably shouldn’t have been, finding a way to share the leftovers with folks who seemed to want them.

At the time, I thought the exercise silly and of little value. It seemed to me that all we were doing was soothing someone’s guilty conscience about being more well-off than others, but we weren’t really doing anything effective to solve the problem of homelessness or feeding people. We all humored her, and she got to feel warm and fuzzy inside, like she’d really done something.

That’s how I felt at the time.

Looking back, I still see some amount of silliness in what we did that evening. But far less than I did at the time. She did, after all, reach out with real help to someone who needed it. She looked them in the eye and food went from her hand to theirs. Well actually, it was me looking them in the eye, and my hand doing the handoff, since it was clear we were not in the safest place in town. But still…

It was a true gesture of of personal help to someone. Did we spend more in gas delivering the help than the help was worth? Maybe, but I doubt the guy who ate well that night as a result of the gesture thought much about it. Or cared.

Our world is so fractured these days, and people are so insulated from each other. True interactions of deep engagement between one human and another are becoming more rare all across the globe. We see someone who needs help, but the only “reasonable” way we can offer help is to send a check to some relief agency, and hope a reasonable portion of the money is used in a wise way.

Mind you, I’m not arguing against relief agencies in any way – these folks do excellent work all across the globe, and the world needs them to continue their excellent missions.

What I think I’m arguing for is something extremely personal. True compassion and true giving come from the most personal and deep place in our heart. Most of us can’t really give that sort of help across the Pacific. Those opportunities for real and personal giving are much closer to us every single day.

I write a lot about the “circle of giving” thing. It’s different than a “ledger”, which is very binary and linear. In a ledger, I give a thing, and I get a checkmark for something I receive in return. It’s scorekeeping. When you keep score, it’s a transaction that ends as soon as the box in the ledger sheet is filled in.

The Giving Circle isn’t a ledger, but only works at a very personal level. Inside each of us is a deep and abiding compassion for others. At its most powerful, this compassion emerges as I reach my hand out to help someone else. As they reach their hand back to me, and accept the help, the circle becomes complete and grows. Their acceptance of my help “gives back” to me as a deep fulfillment of that desire within my heart to help others.

No ledger. No scorekeeping. Pure and simple sharing of compassion and gratitude, each feeding the other. A complete circle of giving.

Compassion that keeps a ledger feeds the ego. It’s a sense of pity for others who might have less good fortune.

Compassion that builds a Giving Circle is born of humility. Understanding the suffering of another allows the voice of our desire to give, and opens the heart to receive the gift of acceptance and gratitude in return. Giving becomes a privilege, and honor, and a gift received.

I’m a reasonable and practical person. There’s both good and bad in that. When it comes to “giving”, maybe it’s time we looked for “unreasonable” ways to help. Maybe we should look for opportunities to get in the car and deliver some food to somebody who needs it.

There’s nothing reasonable about true compassion.

Paradox of Unknowing – Part 2

Or, Creationists, Flat Earthers, and Unknowers…

From Hubblesite.org

Not long ago, a religious debate engulfed the center of western civilization. Science seemed more and more insistent as time went along on a “theory” that had developed about the very foundations of the way that life on earth – and the universe itself – was put together. Seems innocent enough, right?

The problem is that this “theory” was in direct conflict with Orthodox translations and interpretations of the Bible.

I should insert here a definition of “Orthodoxy”. It means, in essence, “right thinking”, or “the right way to think”. Conversely, “heresy” is simply thinking that is not orthodox. Any non-orthodox way of thinking is, in essence, heresy. It all has a very fascist feel to it, doesn’t it?

Regarding the debate in question, Orthodox Christianity insisted that you must interpret our best translations of early teachings (ie The Bible) in a particular way, and that this ruled out this new theory. Debate raged both ways, with the fundamentalists feeling threatened that the very “Word of G-d” was being challenged by science.

At this point, a reader might think that I’m referring to a debate that’s going on right now in the halls of Orthodoxy – the debate over the notion of evolution. And in fact, the debate I’m referring to is still going on in some circles, but it’s not the debate over evolution.

The debate I’m referring to was rampant a few hundred years ago. In the 15th century, Fundamentalist Christian Orthodoxy was torturing and killing people for the heresy of believing the earth was round. Many who were considered great scientific minds of the day were willing to line up on the side of Christian Orthodoxy, and find evidence to support the notion of a flat earth.

Today, the Flat Earth Society is alive and well, evidence of the extreme power that Orthodoxy has in keeping our minds locked tight against learning and growing. It’s probably hard for a reasonable person today to imagine how a person could actually think that the earth is flat, but to the folks who believe it today, they’re absolutely convinced that there is ample evidence to support their notion that the earth is, indeed, flat.

From Hubblesite.org

There are lots of folks today who are absolutely convinced that the notion of natural selection and the adaptation of a species – which is the essence of the theory of evolution – conflicts with what Orthodoxy has taught them. In my opinion, these folks have mistaken the “teachings of Orthodoxy” with the “Truth of G-d” – two very different things.

Orthodoxy changes throughout history. As it changes, it adapts history – and adapts what Orthodoxy itself has taught in the past – to try and make it appear as though it is unchanging. “Unchangeability” is something that orthodoxies are addicted to. An orthodoxy must cling to the notion that it knows the answer, and that the answer never changes. As our minds understand more and more about this wonderful Creation, the answers orthodoxies cling to begin to crumble, and orthodoxy fights back.

Enter the beauty of unknowing. Again.

If I can simply accept that Creation is, then I’m open to understanding more about it. That was G-d’s answer to Moses, wasn’t it? When Moses asked G-d to explain Himself, and who He was, G-d simply answered that Moses didn’t have the ability to understand. He said simply, “I Am”.

That’s just no enough for us, and we insist on creating orthodoxy. We have a tough time accepting that “G-d” is something beyond our ability to understand well.

From Hubblesite.org

Back to our Flat Earth debate. While we like to trumpet the greatness of Western Civilization, and our advancements, and the “great thinking” that’s come from us, we forget that when we “discovered” the fact that the earth was round back in the 15th century, we were pretty late in the game. Many civilizations already had that understanding firmly institutionalized.

We were, in fact, great thinkers coming from a great Greek tradition, yet we’d been held back by an ancient mythology about a flat earth. How? The power of orthodoxy to insist that it “knows”. 500 years later, in our world today, the Flat Earth Society is alive and well. Orthodoxy and the addiction to knowing are amazingly powerful, aren’t they?

The first step is always the hardest – that first step of being OK with “unknowing”. Accepting an inability to deeply “know the essence of G-d” opens us to the ability to understand ourselves, the world around us, and the framework of the universe. Accepting “unknowing” is exactly what’s required to be able to “know the knowable”.

Paradoxically, according to great teachers and sages from Moses to Jesus to Mohammed to Lau Tzu – even to many of the Saints of Orthodoxy from St Theresa to Rumi – it is in the humility of “unknowing” that we’ll find ourselves able to find closeness with The Divine.

Unknowing seems to be the key to many sides of the coin, doesn’t it?

From Hubblesite.org

Paradox Of Unknowing – Part 1

The closer you look, the less you see. If you want to understand the Pacific Ocean, you’d hardly look at a tiny drop of water flowing into it from a river – you’d need to back up and see the thing in context, see the whole picture.

How much damage is done in business, politics, and relationships by folks who charge into something with a “solution” or a “change” that causes greater damage because the situation or the problem wasn’t understood well or fully? How many times have we each been embarrassed by actions we took or words we spoke that clearly didn’t have the wisdom of good understanding behind them?

To understand something, you have to be able to see the context.

Great sages have talked about this throughout history as it relates to our ability to walk the path of a Faith Journey. In different ways, with different words, in all languages, they’ve described that moving further toward G-d in this life requires that we release our human requirement to understand everything about G-d.

One of the greatest favors bestowed on the soul transiently in this life is to enable it to see so distinctly and feel so profoundly that it cannot comprehend God at all. …They who know God most perfectly perceive that God is infinitely incomprehensible.
Those who have less clear vision do not perceive so clearly how greatly God transcends their vision.

St John of the Cross

This is tough for us in our western world, where we’ve constructed a universe in our mind that we know and fundamentally understand. Our addiction to knowing and understanding are the very things that keep us from moving toward G-d.

Walk outside on a dark night. Let your eyes adjust to the darkness. Try see something clearly in the dark by looking directly at it. You’ll find that if you look a little to the side, instead of directly at the thing, you’ll be able to see it much more clearly. You won’t see color and detail, but you’ll see shape and movement. While there are physiological reasons for this, it demonstrates the point well.

There are things for which we have no context for understanding. If we take our natural human approach – if we look directly at them – we won’t be able to see them. But if we accept that we can’t try and see the thing in the same way we’re accustomed to seeing things, the shape might start to appear.

Try it next time you find yourself out on a dark night. Each time I use this trick, it reminds me of the humility I need to nurture in order to have a chance to glimpse a shape now and then that might be the edge of G-d.