Author: Neil Hanson

Neil administers this site and manages content.

Find That Life

Last week I did a post (and an email for those on my email list) titled “Live Well”, juxtaposing the notion of living long with the notion of living well. A friend sent me the following quote during the week, which relates well to the post:

“We have defined holiness through what we separate ourselves from rather than what we give ourselves to.
I am convinced that the great tragedy is not the sins we commit but the life that we fail to live”. 
  ~ Erwin Raphael McManus from Chasing Daylight

As I write this post, it’s Sunday morning, and all over the western world, folks are preparing to go to church and worship. Well, at least the 20% of Americans who actually attend church on an average Sunday morning. (Note that the number is far less in other western countries.)

But what is “worship”, and is that what’s happening in churches across the country? I was raised as a Lutheran, whose family fell away from church when I was fairly young. In my 20’s, I reconnected with church, and we were extremely active in our church for 15 or 20 years. I rarely attend a church today, and it’s precisely because of that question I raise at the beginning of this paragraph – what’s really happening in most churches? Continue reading “Find That Life”

Dad of Divas Highlights Neil in its “Dads in the Limelight” series

Chris with the “Dad Of Divas” website posted an interview with me on October 6th. It was a fun interview to do, and I post the questions and answers below. Thanks much to Chris for posting the interview – I really appreciate it!

Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
First and foremost, the concept of “limelight”. Most of us are in some form of limelight in one way or another. In my case, as I was raising my family, I spent time in executive positions that were high-visibility, as well as organizational limelight such as congregational president and lay pastor, or facilitator of large group events.
At this point in my life, my children are all grown, and the shape of the “limelight” has changed. I’ve moved myself away from executive positions with high visibility, and have concentrated my life on my passions, primarily writing. I write books, articles for periodicals, and blog regularly. I hunt and fish more than I ever have in my life, and spend a lot of time doing the long-distance endurance bicycling and bicycle touring that I’ve come to love.
These passions and others generally form the context of what I write, and the undercurrent is generally a strong sense of spiritual “place”.
Winter Hut Trip in the Rockies with Ian
Tell me about your family
My wife and I raised 3 children, who are all grown at this point. The oldest is 30, the middle one nearly 28, and the youngest is 22. The youngest is a woman, the two older are men. They all live very close to me in the Denver area.
The oldest and I operate a construction company together, primarily landscape design and implementation. The middle one works with his brother and I, and goes to school when he can. The youngest just graduated from college, and is at a fork in the road considering graduate school.
I love having my kids so close to me. I love all the time I’m able to spend with them. I love that they continue to be such an integral and important part of my life.
What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
I think it may be the concept of learning to be a good incubator rather than trying to be a designer. It was so easy for me, (especially early in the fatherhood process), to think my job was to try and define the shape of my children as they developed. In fact, much of what we learn in our culture about parenting focuses on trying to shape our children.
As my children grew, I learned that there was a shape inside them that was emerging, and for me to try and alter that shape was only going to be destructive. A lot like the sculptor who “releases” the shape inside a block of wood, I’ve come to see my job as a father as one of providing a good environment for the “shape” of my children to emerge.
Most of us probably have many “shapes” that might emerge, depending on the environment around us. In my opinion, being a good father means providing a healthy environment, and looking for the shapes that might be trying to emerge – encouraging those that are most healthy.
At the end of the day, our modern nature wants to play G-d, and wants to be the “creator” of children. We want to mold them and shape them into what we want – usually some facsimile of ourselves. I’m convinced this results in heartache more often than not, and is counter to the ability of the child to become all they can become. It’s a tough thing to realize we’re not G-d, but just an incubator with the hard job of maintaining a good and healthy environment.
What advice would you give to other fathers?
First, see and feel your ego, and put it aside when it comes to raising your children.
Second, observe and listen to “elders” as they interact with your kids – they’ll have lots to teach about what they learned on the journey you’re on.
Third, realize how strong, resilient, and adaptive humans are. Don’t try to be the perfect dad – just be a good and loving one. You’ll make some mistakes, and your kids won’t feel any impact at all of most of those mistakes.
Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life?
I think integrating our professional persona with our parental persona makes good sense. For our kids to see us behaving in our outside life is a good think. It makes it tough for us to do the hypocritical “do as I say not as I do” thing, doesn’t it? When we take this approach, it forces some of that balance.
In addition, becoming very actively involved in the things your kids want to do forces another level of balance. When my kids were coming up, I was always coaching their soccer teams, building school projects with them, or whatever else was part of their life.
I remember our annual Christmas party at a place I worked as an executive for many years. I’d always played Santa at the party. One year, as I sat with the kids around me at the party, I noticed my little daughter giving me a little extra scrutiny. As Santa left the party, my wife asked my daughter about Santa, and my daughter informed her that the man had been her father.
I should reveal that she was a pretty smart little cookie, and when she was 15 or 16 we finally called her on the whole Santa thing, as she’d been playing along for years. She said she’d figured it out when she was 6 or 7, but liked playing along. The boys were in on it with her.
I tell this story to highlight that integration I was talking about. My kids saw me behaving in my professional life in a manner consistent with what I “preached”. They saw me in leadership and high-visibility positions within the community, practicing the behavior I talked about at home. They saw me step into the shoes of Santa to try and bring joy and hope to the hearts of children, and they decided to reflect that joy back to me by continuing to play the game with me long after they saw through the ruse.
College Graduation
What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
Oh man, what a good question. Of course there’s the good, the bad, and the ugly, but I’ll focus on the good.
I recall a few really stand-out guys that made huge impressions on me as I was doing my “growing up” as a father. It’s easy to think that as a father, you are “due” respect from your kids. It’s easy to have a picture in your mind of how children should behave and interact with their dad, and to try and “teach” this to your children.
However, the lesson I learned many times from a few really good role-models was that “respect” wasn’t something you “taught” children, it was something you earned as a father. When your kids see you model the behavior you tell them is good, and they see you live a life that is honest and honorable, they come to respect you.
That respect has no value in and of itself, but it is the foundation that allows the real relationship to develop with your kids. They learn what honor and honesty looks like, and learn to discern behavior based on integrity as opposed to talk about integrity. From this, they learn how to find and develop relationships of value in their life as they grow up.
What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
Don’t view fatherhood as something you do for 18 years or 21 years while your kids are “growing up”. View it as a lifelong journey you’re making with your kids. I’ve found that with each year that passes, my relationship with my kids just keeps getting better.
I see lots of folks who fear the coming teenage years. Hey, we all go through the teenage years. For a few years, our brain cells get marinated in a toxic blend of hormones that makes us stupid. That time comes, and it passes. My boys tell me often that when they hit about 14 or 15, they couldn’t believe how stupid I became. They wondered how on earth I could manage to dress myself in the morning. But then, as they moved into their 20’s, they say they were amazed at how smart I seemed to suddenly get.
Don’t take it too seriously – just be the best person and the best father you can be. It’ll all sort out in the end, and you’ll start to get your brain cells back…
What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
I think most of my favorite memories from when my kids were young revolve around vacations we took, and activities on those vacations. Building sandcastles with my daughter on the beach in North Carolina. A bicycle vacation along the rail-trails in Wisconsin, where the boys would ride ahead a couple miles, then drop their bikes and gorge on wild raspberries until we caught up, then jump on the bikes and do it all again – their little sister singing and cooing in the trailer behind my bike as we rode. Hiking in old forest in the Smoky Mountains, my middle son sleeping soundly on the top of my head as he rode my shoulders. My little daughter sleeping soundly in my arms all day long on a cruise ship, as I moved around the decks and enjoyed the bliss a father feels when his child sleeps safely and contentedly in his arms.
If I could do it all again, I’d make sure to take more vacations. For me, it was during those times that I could leave everything behind and really connect with my kids.

  

Hunting with Jesse

Cycling Across The Southwest – Sedona

Day 11 – Resting in Sedona

“Once, it was so damned dry, the bushes followed the dogs around.”
  ~Nancy Dedera

My friend Dale is a former boss from many years ago. He’s a guy who was always renowned for his hard-hitting style, and his relentlessly demanding style. I helped him build his companies up into a tiny little empire, then I got bored and went on another of those eclectic little careens I talked about in this post. Dale and I parted as good friends, and a few years after I left he sold his companies and became very financially secure. Well, wealthy really.

I was busy careening… Continue reading “Cycling Across The Southwest – Sedona”

Sukkoth

As I write this post, the Jewish calendar is bringing a little known but intriguing holiday to a close. After the High Holidays have passed each year, the holiday of “Sukkoth” requires the faithful to move from the comfort of their homes into temporary “huts” constructed on porches, backyards, and driveways. I’m sure there are many dimensions to this holiday, but the aspect I’m fascinated by just now is the shift of focus from materialism and greed as the center of our lives over to a focus on spirituality as the center of our life.

There are traditions within many religions that draw the worshipper into a time of asceticism, though in our comfortable and pampered life we like to ignore these traditions whenever we can. It’s just so much bother, you know, and really, isn’t it much more efficient and enjoyable to just do the fun traditions?

Sukkoth doesn’t seem to be about asceticism just for the sake of sacrifice. Rather, I get the strong and consistent message that it’s more about separating myself from the vast material comforts that I enjoy, in order to bring my focus back to my “place” here on earth, and how my actions and my life impact Creation as a whole. Like the short moment of prayer many families share as they sit down to a meal, letting us take a breath and truly appreciate the gifts and bounty we’ve been given.

Focus. As a hunter and a birder, I use binoculars (or field glasses) a lot. When using them, it’s important to move them to your eyes, then away from your eyes. Back and forth, seeing the big picture, then zooming in on detail. So long as my eyes are seeing the world through the glasses, they don’t have the ability to see the big picture.

Day to day, we’re so focused on “bringing home the bacon”, or “getting ahead at the office”, or even on watching the football games or “face-booking”, that we fail to see the big picture. We walk through life with the binoculars against our eyes. (Try that sometime, by the way, and see how quickly you stumble and fall…)

During Sukkoth, we take the binoculars away from our face, and see the world around us. We see our place in the world, and spend a little time understanding how our actions impact those around us. In our “me-oriented” culture of selfishness, we like to focus a lot more on “rights” than on “responsibilities”. We like to think we can do whatever we want within the law – that this is our “right”.

Reminds me of this old story, “A man in a boat begins to bore a hole under his seat. The other passengers in the boat with him protest. ‘What concern is it of yours?’ he responds, ‘I’m making a hole under my seat, not yours.’”

We’ve undergone a radical and dangerous transformation in our culture in recent years, resulting in a consumer-based economy that puts more value on “cheap” than it does on “right” or “good”. Our homes and driveways are filled with the results of this destructive transformation. Of the 100 largest economies in the world, over half of them are large corporations – less than half are actual nations. My vote as a consumer might matter more in the world today than my vote as a citizen of a nation. How wisely do I vote?

While I’m not Jewish, I think I can learn a good deal from this holiday. I’ve never taken the time to see a relationship between Yom Kippur and Sukkot in the past, but I see it this year. My need for atonement reaches deep across the world I live in and my place in that world. Creation, atonement, and my place in the picture.

A week spent eating and sleeping in a cardboard hut might do me good.

This year, as I spend my time living a simple and sparse life in the woods while I hunt, I’ll think a lot about Sukkot. The time is always a very spiritual time for me, but this new understanding opens a path for even greater reflection and meaning.

And I’ll be sure and take the binoculars away from my face when I want to walk…

Live Well

I was chatting with a health nut the other day – someone extremely fastidious about what he eats. I greatly respect the super healthy habits that he’s developed, and learn from him every time we talk about how to eat more wisely.

This particular conversation was unusually enlightening. Charlie, (that might be the fella’s name), for some reason veered off into a discussion of why he’s developed such healthy eating habits. Turns out he’s developed these great habits because he wants to live a long time, and wants to do all he can to ensure a peaceful death.

Hmmm. I’m not sure about the “peaceful death process” part of the equation. Seems like no matter how healthy our living is, our death is almost a crapshoot. Maybe it’ll be a peaceful and gentle process, but maybe not.

But the other part of the equation really intrigued me. I like to stay healthy as well, but the conversation really brought my motivation into focus for me. While Charlie focuses on a long life, I tend to focus on a full life. Sure, it’ll be fun if it lasts a good long time as well, but what I really care about is that I maximize whatever minutes, hours, days, and years life still has in front of me.

While Charlie will pass when the cake or pie comes around, I rarely do. And every now and then, I truly cherish a good chicken-fried steak and mashed potatoes slathered with gravy. Of course, I can’t eat like that all the time, and need to work hard to make sure I’m burning the calories I’m taking in. Eating chicken-fried steak all the time would diminish the relish of it when I do get it, and I’ve learned I can’t possibly burn enough calories to eat like that very often.

But now and then…

Image from Natalie's Killer Cuisine - natalieskillercuisine.com

It’s a balance for me. There are things I enjoy that aren’t healthy – like chicken-fried steak. There are also things I enjoy that require really good health – like cycling. I need to strike a balance that lets me pack the most joy and adventure and bliss and contentment into my life as possible. Sometimes the wonders I want to pack into my life conflict with one another, and I need to find a way to make them all stay in balance.

It’s all about how much I can pack into life, not about how long I can make life last. In the end, death is the only way out, and maybe it’ll be gentle or maybe not. I’m reminded of a story Garrison Keillor tells, about how he wants to die peacefully in his sleep like his grandfather did, not screaming in terror like the other people in the car he was driving as it flew off the cliff…

Live well.

“When it comes time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song, and die like a hero going home.” 

  ~ Tecumseh


Playing Catch

I was fishing with my brother a week or so ago. We’ve developed a habit of bringing our baseball gloves when we go on fishing trips, and finding a little time to play catch in the afternoons. As much as I always enjoy the fishing, I’ve got to say I enjoy those brief moments of playing catch just as much.

My baseball glove is a leftover from 40+ years ago. Back then, I saved up for quite a while to buy such a nice glove, and carefully oiled it and broke it in through thousands of balls thrown and caught. I’ve oiled it now and again through the years, so it’s still serviceable today. I’ve always kept a baseball tucked perfectly into the pocket of the glove, to assure that it stays molded with the memory of the thing it’s meant to wrap itself around.

Through all the moves and changes in my life, that glove has somehow stayed tucked away in my drawer. It’s survived the many bouts of “cleansing”, where I give away or throw away everything I’m not using at the time.

It slips so naturally onto my left hand, and feels so “right” when it’s there. The ball falls from it into my right hand. I feel the laces touch my fingers just right as I’m rocking back onto my right foot and my right arm falls away behind me. My right arm and shoulder roll easily into an arc above my head and my wrist snaps lightly, I release the ball, and watch as it goes to the exact spot my mind’s eye was seeing.

My glove folds around the ball as it returns to me, snapping with a sweet “pop”. As the ball hits my glove, I’m already rocking gently through the motion of sending the ball back to my brother.

Back and forth my feet take me through the familiar motion, my arm arcing and releasing, my glove popping. A familiar rhythm that became part of the fabric of my being during a time when my heart and mind and soul were learning to become the rhythm that is life. Just as the glove has maintained the memory of the baseball it’s meant to  hold, my body has maintained a memory of that easy rhythm of the game.

Letting my body fall into that familiar memory does something to my heart and soul too. The gentle rhythm of activity that feels “ancient” to our muscles releases our mind, heart, and soul to fall back deeply into ourselves. A bit of a “renewal” I suppose, like drinking from an ancient and well-guarded spring of water so sweet it never leaves our memory. Continue reading “Playing Catch”

Bicycling Across The West – Congress to Sedona in Arizona

Day 10 – Congress to Sedona

“No, life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rivers, has to stand in an empty desert and whisper sonnets under his breath… We get one story, you and I, and one story alone. God has established the elements, the setting and the climax and resolution. It would be a crime not to venture out, wouldn’t it?”
  ~  Donald Miller – Through Painted Deserts

Today is my last full day of riding by myself. Tomorrow is a rest day in Sedona with my friend Dale, then the following day I meet up at some point with my friend Dave to complete the ride back to Colorado. My days of solitude on this trip are over after today.

I expected to enjoy the solitude, but I’ve frankly enjoyed it more than I’d anticipated. The desert amplifies and highlights solitude. The simplicity and solitude I’ve found riding across these deserts has moved me in a way that’s beyond my expectations. I’ve found a peace inside myself that’s a little deeper than the already wonderful peace I knew.

How does the desert do this? I’ve always enjoyed time on my own. In solitude I’ve been able to discover the things within me and about me that make me what I am today. Time alone has always wrapped my mind and my soul in a way that opens me up to myself. Continue reading “Bicycling Across The West – Congress to Sedona in Arizona”

The Verb of God

I read a really interesting book once, titled “God is a Verb”, by David Cooper. The book was thought-provoking, and I learned a good deal from it. It’s the title, though, that’s hung with me, and what my mind makes of the title. I got to thinking back on this title while I was writing this recent article on career paths. (Or is it careen?)

Though not an expert, I see a noun as a thing, and a verb as an action. Neil’s oversimplified view of the world…

The thing that really intrigued me at the time about the concept of seeing G-d as a verb was how universal the concept was, if we could get our heads around it.

Throughout history, religion is right up there on top of the list of things we make war over and hurt people over. Sad but true. Often, this happens because we allow religion to become so entwined with government that religion becomes nothing more than a tool of oppression used by the government. The dark years of The Inquisition and the religious wars in Europe were relatively recent memories when we were smart enough to demand a separation between religion and government when we put our constitution together.

Think back to the holy wars that have been waged throughout history. The sort of “jihad” where religious zealots kill lots of people because they think God wants them to. It’s happening in the world today, and you can see it throughout both recorded history and recorded myth.

G-d wants you to kill people. Really? Don’t most of us find this a little difficult to reconcile? For those who do believe in G-d in some way or anot

her, our deepest understanding of the concept and reality of G-d revolts at the notion that He/She/It would demand evil and killing. For those who don’t believe anything like god exists, such notions simply reinforce our inability to see the possibility.

I suspect much of this difficulty happens because our brains (today and historically) want to turn G-d into a thing (a noun), like a king or a dictator. What would happen if instead, we saw G-d as the verb – the action in the equation? After all, great spiritual teachers of all traditions have taught that G-d is in each of us. So long as we think of G-d as a thing, then this sounds a lot like we’re “possessed”, but if G-d is action, then this makes a lot more sense, doesn’t it?

If we saw G-d as a verb, as the action that can come from us, we might spend a little less time worrying about whether he/she/it is male or female, or has dark curly hair or long blond hair. We might worry less about what “orders” we receive from whoever happens to be claiming to be the voice of G-d at this particular time, and start focusing more on how we can release G-d into the world around us through our actions.

Happy God-ing!

Career or Careen?

“Career” is a nautical term. I never knew that. I do so love thesaurus.com…

Both careen and career are nautical terms. As nouns, they refer to the nature of a course moving forward. A careen is a course forward using a side-to-side trajectory, while a career is a course forward in a headlong and high-speed trajectory.

This really got me to thinking about my own “career”, and the careers of most folks I know.

It starts early, when we’re encouraged to define what we’re going to be when we “grow up”, as if knowing that destination is a critical element, and as if defining that defines us and who we become. As we mature, there’s a steady set of cultural expectations built on the assumption that we’re all on a “course forward in a headlong and high-speed trajectory.” Continue reading “Career or Careen?”

Bicycling in the West – Parker to Congress in Arizona

Bicycling Across the West – Day 9 – Parker to Congress in Arizona

“Don’t think about what you’ve left behind” The alchemist said to the boy as they began to ride across the sands of the desert. “If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return.” — 
  ~  Paulo Coelho – The Alchemist

 

Today is another desert crossing, but I’ve got a couple towns along the way to resupply. There’s risk for sure, but I figure it’s less risk than yesterday.

I’m up and out the door at 5:00 AM, but am disappointed to see once again that there’s more light in the sky than I’d hoped. My hope is to get started before first light on these desert crossing days, in order to get as many miles behind me as possible before the heat of the day begins. I’m continually surprised by how much the 100 miles or so between one day and the next changes the sunrise and sunset times.

When planning this trip, I’d always assumed I’d do a good portion of these desert crossings in the dark. I figured I could start about 3:00 AM to avoid heat and wind. I knew the moon would be close to new during these crossings, so I’d get no help there. My solution was more lights. I wear a helmet light combination that has a bright flashing red taillight attached to the back of my helmet, and a headlight on the front of the helmet that can eight be a constant or a flashing light.  As bicycle lights go, this front light is OK, but not really a bright headlight that lights the road well. It’s made by Light and Motion, called their Vis 360 model. It’s really meant to make the cyclist highly visible to the motorist. Continue reading “Bicycling in the West – Parker to Congress in Arizona”