I sat with a chapel full of people on Saturday, and said goodbye to an old friend. While he was 71, his death was still a bit sudden and unexpected. Much like the death of my father, (which I write about in Peace at the Edge of Uncertainty), my friend’s death was preceded by a coma of some short duration.
It’s a common theme today – one that most families will face in one way or another. A loved one sustained mechanically and electronically, while their mind and body seems to be reaching for the thing that’s next after this life. The journey takes it’s toll on those who must make the difficult decisions on behalf of the stricken loved one, though I feel the toll extracted is much larger than it needs to be.
We count on those around us to have the courage to make the hard decisions that must be made on our behalf when we can’t make them ourselves. We count on the love of those closest to us to help us successfully negotiate the end of this life when we need that help. Providing that help should be an honor, not a burden. Being chosen, or asked, or even forced by circumstance into that role of both honor and pain is a privilege we should bear with pride.
The words just roll right on to this page, as-if it’s easy. But it’s not. I hope and pray that we can evolve our culture to fear death less, and to embrace all aspects of this wonderful journey we call life – including that final aspect we call dying. But until that happens, I’m certain I’ll continue to see the deep pain and heavy burden of hard decisions on the loved-ones who do the right thing for those who trust them to make good and right decisions.
While I don’t look forward to death, I also have no fear of it. I’ve had several quite mystical and spiritual experiences in life that have left me completely confident in the uncertainty that lies beyond that vague window at the end of this journey. These, also, I write about in Peace at the Edge of Uncertainty.
It may be that my end comes as a rapid and certain event, or it may be that I’ll need the help of those whom I love to find that window at the end of the journey when it’s time. In the event that I do need that help, I do all I can while I live to make sure those folks I count on for that help understand in advance how much I’m counting on them, and how much I appreciate the love and the courage they’ll show in helping me.
It’s a discussion we should all have, but a discussion that’s hampered by the fear of death that we seem to have in our culture. Getting over that fear should be a primary focus of growing up, shouldn’t it?
